Three times bad luck. That’s how I’ll describe my GMAT experience. Those who are planning to take on MBA will know how important GMAT is and how frustrating the prep (AND THE TEST itself) is. 530, 640, 620. Those are my scores. Yep, took it three times and still is not even close to my target. Quite a bad score, eh?
First time I took it and found that I scored freaking 530, I cried like a baby for more than an hour in my hotel room. Alone. Couldn’t talk, almost couldn’t breath. Disappointment, anger, shock, sadness, frustration…all came at once. I went to a nice cafe to calm myself and ended up crying there. Second time I took it, I scored better, but of course, I always do stupid mistakes. This time, I accidentally click the wrong button and caused me to accidentally cancel the score. So, I took it again this morning. Even lower score than the last time. Devastating.
Talking to people, to be able to increase your score, you need to make a radical change in the way you study. How? Don’t know. Well, as for me, I guess I should learn to accept that I’m not smart in that way. I must be smart in some other way, I still don’t know what. But I’ll find out. Aaand as for the MBA application, I’ll move on to other important stuff. Bye GMAT, I don’t want to see you again. Well, hopefully.
Oh and I’m still applying for Babson. And put a big cross on HBS. Still keep the dream of running my own chocolate factory. And maybe one day I’ll need help from those smart people I’ve been hoping to be part of, help me analyze this, analyze that, confirm this, confirm that. Yeah, maybe.
Lately, I kinda feel lost. I can’t remember why I’m doing all this. I am starting to doubt if I really want to be a chocopreneur (ha! I just made this term out. Hahaha). And doubting this means also doubting the decision of going back to school, of working in a family group, etc etc. Then came this afternoon. Went taking my nephew to a candy shop. And once I saw those racks full of different kinds of chocolate and candies, the neurons were connected, the bell rang, the heart popped. Now, I remember. Now, they all make sense again. Sometimes, all we need to do is to go back to where it all started. 🙂
That was the tagline I came up with in a product branding session with the company’s brand consultant today. It was my second time participating in such working session. First time was quite a mess and I was more overwhelmed than excited – maybe because I was forced to think so deeply while I was starving. This time, I enjoyed every bit of it. The discussion was rich but fun. The methods of facilitation the consultant used triggers the participant to think so creatively and wilderly that we were able to come up with distinct alternatives for shared goals. The participants are highly connected and actively contributing to the session. Of course, there’s always something to improve from such session. But, overall, I would say that this is a very good working session.
Looking back, I would’ve not imagined that something so urban like branding would stumble upon me – an industrial engineer who used to walk frequently to heat treatment room to record the amount of gas consumed to quench and temper steel pipes to reach desired material properties. Those were my priceless moments, that walk to the heat treatment room. And I was grateful that four years ago I chose to stepped out of my comfort zone and went working in a factory far away from home. I still am. Today, I am grateful that two years ago I decided to apply for a corporate strategy position in a never-heard-about-it conglomerate company, once again stepping out of my comfort zone. And the moment I came up with the tagline was one of the many priceless moments I had ever since. The brand consultant might or might not like it. The company might or might not use it. But still it was priceless. And yes, that priceless moment started with the choices I made.
*am still in the branding working session mode :p
In a conversation with a GMAT classmate last night:
CM: So, are u applying to Babson this year?
G: yeah, first round.
CM: why Babson, btw?
G: coz I wanna be an entrepreneur, I wanna run my own chocolate factory. And Babson is the best place to go for enterpreneurship. What about you? Where do you wanna go?
CM: I wanna go to Harvard.
G: wow, that’s awesome!
CM: yea, I wanna shoot the moon, so if I fall, I’ll fall among the stars.
Life is a learning experience. And today I learn that I work much much more effectively from home. Why is that? Because I, once again, am an introvert, who is very much affected by what/who surrounds me. Sitting on my office desk, with my boss commenting on every little thing he could (it’s entertaining and heartwarming in some ways and annoying in some other ways), with my colleagues being super smart and productive, with some judgemental look from the directors, is just oppressing and hence distracting. I don’t even dare do things I think I need to do to finish my job. Well, I have my very own way of doing my job. Sometimes it seems like a waste of time to people, but I really those are the needy greedy I need to do. If I dont do that I just won’t be able to finish the job. So, yeah…here I am sitting at my dining table at home, absorbing all information, getting ideas, and finishing the job. Capitalists, you should really consider work from home policy, not only for the working moms, but also for the introverts. We seriously get our tasks done more effectively this way!
Akhir-akhir ini saya berpikir. Iya, berpikir. Biasanya memang tidak. Biasanya saya membiarkan diri saya melamun. Yang menjadi pikiran saya adalah berbahasa. Sering saya tidak bisa mengungkapkan apa yang saya pikirkan, atau lamunkan, atau rasakan dalam kata-kata. Yang saya pakai itu lagi dan itu lagi. Dan baru saja, saya sadar bahwa saya tidak tahu bagaimana menuliskan sitasi. Dimana tanda petik, dimana titik, dan dimana membubuhkan nama sang penulis yang sitasi-nya saya pakai. Saya bilang saya terpelajar. Tapi saya tidak tahu cara berbahasa. Entah apa pantas sekarang saya bilang begitu.
So, today was a very productive day! Accomplished many things at the office and got a 40% discount for my bikini wax :p.
However, what made my day (which happened to happen very early today: 9.30 – 11.30) was this working session with a PR company. The working session was aimed to refine our proposal and timeline for a campaign in this company I’m working for. My colleague and my boss were supposed to join the meeting, but they couldn’t make it, so I represent the company all by myself. Off course, with my low-confidence-level nature, I was quite nervous to do it myself.. But then it turns out to be one of that rare productive and rich discussion where all doubts were answered, all concerns were touched upon, and all misses were fixed. And we agreed on the timeline! And best of all, I feel that I’m contributing, that I accomplish something. Which, by the way, I haven’t felt for quite a long time (we’re talking abt 6months course here!)
So yeah.. Thanks Azis, Wulan, and Ola for such a great discussion and working session this morning! It certainly made my day! And when I’m happy with my job, ideas are just popping out of nowhere! 🙂